FUCK YOU MONASH FUCK YOU!!!

ANGER. FRUSTRATION. DISAPPOINTMENT. BUT MAINLY REGRET.
seething with rage. all the energy, the time, the effort. the sleep sacrificed. all my drive to study has been destroyed. i dont see the point of trying so hard anymore. all the input, and no output. i may be overreacting. but still. all those weeks feverishly revising, practicing, consulting tutors. for what fuck?! im seriously at a point of breaking down. you may go WTF? or tell me to quit complaining, but yeah maybe u dunno how it feels. maybe you do. why the fuck do u test us on things we were not taught? ppl may just brush it off and "move on". well i cant. yeah its jus one paper but all that effort for nothing. so bad i actually left questions blank. this fuckin sux to the max. maybe i shdve jus enjoyed myself and not studied in the first place. guess i was right after all. i m the biggest joke. fuck u monash. fuck u. fuck myself.

I can only fear the worst for Econs, Management and Biz Stats now.

Trouble is a Friend of Mine

Try this. It's supposed to work....

1) Think of your favourite number

2) Think of someone of the same sex

3) Think of someone of the opposite sex

4) Pick one out of dog, cat, tiger, snake

5) Pick one out of blue, red, white, green

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1) The number you chose is supposedly the number of real close friends you'll have in life.

2) This is your closest/best friend.

3) This is the person you have a crush on/like/are currently with. [2 and 3 may intertwine]

4) This is a general analysis of how you view relationships.

Dog = You are extremely loyal when it comes to relationships and friendships. You place high importance on your relationships with your loved ones. You put them ahead of a lot of things and go all out not to jeapordise them. You love them alot and will do anything for them.

Cat = You are selective when it comes to picking your friends. You have different 'levels' of proximity with them; you don't trust all of them and are not close with all of them. They form your social circle for the sake of, and they rarely get close to you. Only because you rarely let them.

Tiger = You are very protective of your friends. You will defend them at all means but you are not necessarily close with them. You just need them when the time arises, and thats when you look for them. You prefer to be alone most of the time.

Snake = You place little value on friendships and relationships. You are generally manipulative, and you use your friends for your own advantage without taking their feelings or the consequences of your actions into consideration. You are not afraid to trample on anyone for the sake of reaching whatever intentions you have.

5) This is a general analysis of your character

Blue = You are relatively cool, not in physique but in mannerisms. You are not generally open, and tend to be introverted alot. However, with the correct people, you can turn around and let them in. You hate conflicts, and when one arises, you will do whatever it takes to resolve it as you do not want it to drag further. You may have little consideration of others' emotions, as you may let out little outbursts every now and then.

Red = You are very tempremental. Little things irk you easily and you lose your cool at the smallest of incidents. You get mad when things dont go your way and you tend to blast off at people, even when they are not involved. However, you are also passionate and emotional when it comes to relationships. You care for people that matter alot. You are strong willed and focused at achieving whatever goal you want to pursue.

White = You are the proverbial "good guy"; you dislike conflicts, you try your very best to please everyone, you tend to keep to yourself and shun from the "spotlight". You rarely lose your cool, and you have a very matured perception on life. You may not care for everyone around you, but you do not hate them as well; you are neutral.

Green = You are a nature lover; you like the environment and animals. You are sensitive to the needs of others and you are calm and collected, more often than not. You are also laidback, sometimes lacking focus and direction in life. You need others to push you before you start doing something. You are generally in tune with your social life and family. You do not get affected by problems easily.

*these are just the main analysis of behaviour. of course it does not define accurately one single individual, who is most probably a mixture of behaviours. This just portrays the dominant characteristics.

ŔάŋФM

= Finally went out with Oscar. Didn't know he was with his gf. Die. Gonna feel like a lamppost. He speaks mandarin with his gf. I've always hated that feeling. Die. Surprisingly I felt the most unlamppost-y during the outing and it was fun. Potential double lamppost situation avoided.


= After meeting Oscar, I decided to walk back home. It drizzled, then rained heavily. By the time I got back I was soaked. And the rain stopped.


= I tried putting my phone in my pocket. Then I realised I was wearing my boxers.


= I woke up at 7am, rushed to uni at 9am for an 830am lecture, supposed to end at 10am, but ended at 915am. I took longer getting ready than the lecture itself.


= I used liquid paper to correct a word I wrote wrongly. After it dried I wrote the same wrong word.



= A friend postponed her flight back to her hometown, supposedly because of me. I finally felt important in someone's life.


= The last day of sem was all I could ask for. Finally doing well for management, getting good grades for econs and having a blast after uni.


*********************************************
Shaheen wants to know:



#Why ppl in sunway drive like crazy bitches, speeding like shit even in the tightest of spaces.



# Why the inventor of the MGW1010 exam is so spastic. If they know from experience that students can hardly finish the paper, why allocate so little time? Isn't the purpose of this exam to test our knowledge and understanding of the subject and not our speed-writing skills?



# Why some people are complete assholes. Or pussies.



# Why he just can never be neutral at some point, and towards certain issues.

# Why he always has dreams of his friends dying.



# Why the hell he is speaking as a 3rd person about himself.


*********************************************
I am on the verge of being the biggest laughing stock in the entire Monash University. Why? Cos I've been studying so friggin much, so much that Im so nerd that even a nerd would laugh at me (sorry to all "nerds"), that everyone is expecting me to ace the exams, and Ive a lil feeling that Im gonna implode during the exams and flunk. And everyones gonna luff at me for studying so hard for nothing. damn.
Tutorials finally ended. One full week to revise and competely finish everything. and i hope I can. tahan another 21 more days, and I have 3 months plus to freak out. but cant tink of that as of now. Sien.


GOALS: To complete revision for Management and Business & Economic Stats and re-revision for Accounts and Econs.

Planning: Specific Plans with strict adherence to created timelines and division of work.


ORGANISING: Divisional Structure of time and effort. Both must be coordinated to accomplish the specific tasks of assigned chapters of managements.

MOTIVATING:

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:

Physiological Needs: nice food and enough sleep

Safety Needs: Security and Protection from emotional scarring of studying too much

Social Needs: Occasional outings to relax mind

Esteem needs: Be glad in the knowledge hard work wont be futile

Self-actualisation Needs: Achieving my potential and realising all this will aid in exams

CONTROLLING: Bureaucratic control with rigid rules implemented for me to follow to not divert from the tasks that is to study and complete assigned chapters.

OMFG see how much management has already screwed me up. Last time was econs tt i kept applying to daily life and now its management. Im in need of serious help. My brain is going dead, my eyes are failing to function properly and my other senses seek to refuse cooperation. Haih. Ive blown so many ppl off cos Ive been studying like crazy and hence Ive pissed them off. Jus try to understand aite. I got exams coming up, you ppl may/may not have exams I dunno. Wadever u wanna do with yr time is up to u but i need to study, so don get pissed off/upset I cant go out. I WANT to, but i CANNOT. Understand those two terms before u launch into some verbal/emotional tirade of anger or sorrow. Other than studies I have my own shits to deal with so lay off. Uve probably seen me being tad diff these past few days and tts purely cos of exam stress so jus tahan a bit more. If u cant then i got nothin more to say. ("you" refer generally not specific).

Seems that of late I've "shifted" out of my own room and conquered the hall. Made it my own and turned it into one giant mess of all my studying shit.



Anu's econs mcq test sheet. cldn stop laughing at this. But feel damn proud of her for her Econs Ass 2. She beat all us supposed "smarties" in econs. Not to say shes not smart. She jus isnt 'experienced' as us, i supose. Congrats Minachi. :) So very globoldolic of you. Today's been a good day on the whole. Need to prepare for the very hellacious week ahead, by which all revision shdve been completed.
Din realise this so called random post wd be so long. But it was random! LOL.

Insecurities

Insecurities exist EVERYTIME and EVERYWHERE. theres just no escaping it. even the most superconfident of ppl will have some sort of insecurity within them. they just mask it and don show it. wen yr in primary school [7-12], ull wanna make frens, and face the fear of not havin frens or fitting in. In high school its worse. Teen years are perhaps the most complicated phase of one's life. Its like everything's working in tandem to make yr life one giant mess within those 4-5 yrs - wanting to fit in with a clique, insecurity of not being wanted or appreciated, facing acne and feeling insecure abt how u look or wad ppl will think of u, relationship issues, and of cos the fear of that end of year major exams. Ppl say that as u grow older and mature, u tend to lose insecurities. True, yet not exactly. You lose THESE insecurities, as in the ones in yr teenage life, but not insecurities in general. You just face new ones. Graduates are insecure abt job prospects, men are insecure abt retrenchment, wives fear extra marital affairs from their husbands and the elderly face the insecurity of death knockin on their doors. Hence, everyone is insecure in one way or other. Its part of life. Its normal. Just dont let it overwhelm u. I have my insecurities too, and yes sometimes I let em bother me till I go crazy. But now, I'm jus gonna ignore em and focus on studies. Speakin of....

Exams are in 18 days. Yes, 18. Theres so much to do Im afraid I cant cover everything in time. Furthermore weve not had the opportunity to practice writing and testing our time management, unlike MUFY. Ppl keep saying ive studied so much i dun need to worry and stuff. What they fail to realise is that i still have to 're-revise' wad ive learnt cos i cant fully rmb every single damn thing from now till the exam period. I have to refresh my memory. So its not like revise then chuck one side till finals. Dunno why we're still having hw, specially management. Sian.

Think I've seriously been studying too much. I can feel my body jus breaking down. Too much lack of sleep. Went Pyramid and WATCHED A MOVIE after dunno how bloody long. Im sucha nerd I dun even know thr were changes to Pyramid. Lol. Felt so good to finally get my mind off studies. Seriously need a friggin rest. Hence for once Im not gonna study on a Friday night. jus gonna rest my body and mind and resume tmr. I foresee if i continue this intense studying lifestyle im gonna break down eventually, like yesterday. Slept at 5 studying accts and woke up at 830. can die like nobodys biz. Shd start takin care of my body. Hence Im gonna sleep early today, and sleep long. So that I can wake up early tmr to study. lol. I seriously have no life.

Watch this vid. It's damn touching. Its about a love between a lion and 2 men.

[Current mood: really really tired]
[Current songs:
Broken hearted girl - beyonce
3 - britney spears
Meet me halfway - black eyed peas
Rule of the world - evermore
Sexy Bitch - david guetta feat akon]

My Life is Globoldolic

dun even ask wad globoldolic is. because 1) its an inside thing. 2) i myself dun even know the meaning.

had a very very weird dream last few days. involved one very very very close fren of mine. every aspect of the dream was super weird. and he nearly died. why do i alwaes dream abt my frens dying? seriously... aint a gd thing.

= Was at office. Saw a fren. he saw me. he turned away jus as i waved at him. i pretended to stretch my fingers so i din look stupid.

= phil pointed out a potential mistake in our management assignment. i cleared it up with another fren and realised i was right. i double checked with the tutor and realised i was wrong. i had to change my assignment, which was due the next day. i had "finished" it a week ago.

=a fren chatted with me on msn. it was our first time. he asked how i was. i said fine. i asked him the same thing. he said ok. our convo ended.

= i was uploading photos on my blog. the picture was taking abnormally long. then i realised i hadnt pressed the 'upload' button.

= the bus i was in got involved in an accident. i smsed my mom. she called me askin if i was ok. i said kinda. she then asked me wad food i wanted for dinner.

= my younger bro had a personal prob. i spoke to him about it, and later saw him change his msn pm to "...thank god for brothers really". i felt like an older brother for once.

= the net in both homes (sunway and jb) was alwaes screwed up whenever i used it. then i realised it wasnt the wi-fi, but my laptop.

= ive been on a study 'roll' for the past month or so. exams are just ard the corner. ive lost all my momentum and passion to study.

= i realisd that wenever im not in sunway, theres alwaes some sort of party happening. i then tol anu im over that kind of life. she pointed out i never had that kind of life in the first place.

Shaheen has to learn:
- not to be so emo
- not to shriek/speak in a high pitched voice within hearing distance of others
- not to wear berms and sandals in freezing buses
- not to put his ipod on his lap in a speeding bus
- not to study when his laptop is around him
- to accept the consequences of his actions, whether his actions are nice or not.
- to be more assertive
- to try and refocus on studies and not about the social scene

[current mood: hollow, empty]
[current songs:
All the right moves - onerepublic
Sexy bitch - david guetta feat akon
How to save a life - the fray
Te amo - rihanna
Listen to your heart - DHT
I believe in you - il divo & celine dion
Meet me halfway - black eyed peas]

*A Very Long Post*

Im puzzled by the term break/holiday wadsoever. its meant for us to relax and rest after all our intense exertions in uni. but apparently educators have other ideas, and decide to pile misery on us during hols by dumping not one but two frackin assgmts. how to enjoy hols like that? haih.. use yr logic yeah..go home and tink abt it (noraini, 2009).

Although break week was inundated with assignments, there was still traces of "holidayness". I got a lot of visits from ppl and kinda went out couple times too.

Nicholas Ivan. Crashed my room so many times. At least he was nice enuf to provide some sort of entertainment. Notice his sexy body. LOL.

Beh Jun Biao. Since I had invaded his "small territory" so many times b4, i guess its only fair for him to invade mine this time. Ever since he invaded my room he made one whole giant mess. lol. but what to do. assignments made everyone go crazy. especially management. notice his sexy legs. LOL.

See? do so much of research until he cant tahan. too tired he jus slept on the floor. quite pitiful lah but bed too messy so no choice.

Mich DJ. came couple times to do accts. kinda fun to have her ard. notice her sexy er, nose? LOL.

Evidence of mess made by JB. ok no lah this was mine. Management can seriously kill all of us like nobody's business. everyday do mgmt from 1/2pm to 4-5 am. no joke weii.

2 ppl struggling with management and this is the ensuing mess.

This was like 4 or 5 am, and this fella is still working hard to finish his assgmt while I was already going to sleep. notice the Qantas logo? LOL.
again...all the mess. bloody few days tt made our lives a living hell...

Well, thkfully, management assgmt is done but not completely dusted. Spent abt 5 days finishing it. Managed to do it b4 my proposed duration of one week. but kinda underestimated how time consuming it wd be on a day to day basis, hence my studies for other subs took a hit. guess gotta study all that backlogged work this week.

Got drunk on monday night. drank too much. apparently i did and said alot of things i shdnt have said. Woke up late on tues. missed accts lecture. of all the lectures to miss i missed a very impt one. damn smart.

So in the end both me and JB went to uni on tues for nothing since we kinda missed all the lectures. so decided to come back suri to complete mgmt and biz stats note takin. went medan to eat and end up watching Titanic. wth. *the scene whr Rose jumps of the lil boat back to the ship cos she cant bare to leave Jack*. Me - so touchin man. her love for him. Nick- sth similar to mine. JB- so stupid ah? LOL.

some random photo of poor JB's leg. kena whacked so hard by Nick for no reason. can actually see four finger marks. LOL.

finally, the last assgmt for the semester is done. but this doesnt mean we can rest. duh. exams are like 27 more days, and i still got so much to study. hopefully my mgmt assgmt is correct. put so much of effort in it. quite proud of JB's assgmt too. really hope we both do well.

stupid management assgmt made me lose my studying momentum, and now its hard for me to regain it. wad a time, with exams comin up. sian.

[Current Mood: pleased, tired.]

[Current Songs:

All the right moves - onerepublic

Crank it up - ashley tisdale

face drop - sean kingston

Hot mess - cobra starship

When love takes over - david guetta

3 - britney spears]

You & I in a diVERSE CITY.

*6.19pm. Doing Accounts. Felt room shaking. Sat on the bed. Bed was spinning. Thot was my head from studying/onlining too much. Called Nick. He felt it too. Apparently there was a 7.9 earthquake in Sumatra. Woah. My first tremors lol. Pretty cool experience.

Anyway, after a lil bit of "different" posts of late, I've decided to revert to the more traditional route of 'updating' my ongoings. Could get pretty wordy and long...

Week 10 of uni. its break week, thk God. I'm gonna try and surmise my entire 10 weeks in this post. (gasp!). First few weeks were the 'adjustment' period- tryin to adjust from mufy to uni. it was pretty hard. Lectures and tutorials were rather alien. Din know we had to read the unit guides ourselves and do the tutorials corresponding to the weeks, until JB tol me abt it. Tutors and lecturers din say anything. Apparently due to the concept of 'Independent Learning' where we do everything ourselves, including assignments. So from weeks 1-4, I was a blur zombie unawares of what the hell was going on and playing catch up. Tutorials were done by just highlighting the damn book and attempting the questions. After that all info went out my head. Heck this can't be the way to study in uni...

The decisive moment came somewhere in week 5 or 6 where we had simultaneous assignments due, econs and accounts. That prompted me to start on them quickly, and in order to do so, I had to actually STUDY the relevant chapters instead of just completing tutorials for the sake of. So there came my plan on how to actually study...

In MUFY, I kinda made notes for everything (sans English), which was like a detailed summary of our books, and basically studied from there. Initially I thot why not do the same with Uni? After all this method served me well in MUFY. But after seeing the books, Im like hell no. Well, I realised there are lecture notes for every subject. So I decided ok, use that to study instead. JB printed the first lecture notes for me (accts). So after the first lecture, went back to study it. The lecture notes are meant to be concise, but perhaps tad too concise, cos it wasnt that detailed, and I had to refer back to the text. That got me thinking, Why read the notes if its kinda incomplete? If i've to read the textbook, then its as good as studying twice. And I dun have the time or energy to study every chapter of every unit twice. Which was then I decided to go all out and resurrect my MUFY style of studying. So now, after every lecture (without lecture notes), I just listen to what the lecturer says, go back and read that chapter, and make my own notes on it. Then I do the tutorial. Its a longer process, but at least theres information retention. So this is how I've been studying for the past 4-5 weeks. Call me crazy/nerdy, but studying's kinda been the only activity I've been doing of late. It's like an addiction. I've not gone out for bloody long, and my social life has been very stagnant. A senior once told me in uni, u'll face a trade-off between yr social life and yr studies. If you wanna excel, you gotta cut down alot on yr social life. You wanna keep your social life, your studies will suffer. From wat I've experienced so far, her words seem to hold some truth to it. Alot actually.

Well, as mentioned earlier, break is here. Finally. After a very stressful week [studies, assignments and fights]. It's retarded, but the happiest I am about this break is that I finally have the time to catch up and revise all chapters I din really understand earlier. Only prob is the 2 assignments that I gotta do as well. And this is where I became most freaky. I actually made a daily plan of all the work I would for the break period. Kinda helps me keep track and maintain my focus so I don't stray off.

Accounts

Chapters 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, tutorial 10

Assignment 2

Econs

Chapters 10, 11, 14, 21

Business Econs Stats

Topic 1

Management

Assignment 2:

Print and read 7 articles

Title Page

Table of Contents

Executive Summary

Introduction

Report

Conclusion & Recommendation

References

Appendix

So this is what I plan to accomplish during break. I know, Im sucha nerd. So far progress looks ok. Just that certain unforeseen circumstances might cause my daily plans to go off track. Like today. FINALLY WENT OUT. after a month i tink. relived old times with anu and lala. hit pyramid. it was fun, just like old times. One year on, Im still old, lala is still blur (AND CLUMSY) and anu is fat well, anu. There shd be more of today.

I guess this 'lifestyle' could suit me- making studies my main priority and spending most of my time just concentrating on studies. Yeah we shd have a balance right, study and play. But there just seems to be so much drama on a daily basis. How to play? So instead of worrying about all that, might as well just spend the time and energy studying. I dun care if I'm labelled a nerd or wadever, as long as it helps me get good grades for uni. Dang Ive never studied so bloody much in my life for consecutive weeks. So proud of myself. Lol so perasan.

Study at my table...

Study on my bed


And even on my floor. Thats how much of a nerd I've turned into.




See how much studies ruin our health? Poor anu study so much till she had to sleep in the library.

Would be good to take a break too though. Sigh. Just one thing annoying me is food. In uni its just cafeteria food, which is overpriced and underquality. And now durin hols, its the same prob each day. What to eat. Mamak, Pyramid, fast food. Sigh. It's expensive and Im gettin sick of it. I need to go back home. Bloody assignments. Lets see what next week has in store for us all.

(if u managed to make it through this post up to this point, and ur brain dead, dun say I din warn u)