Random Mumbo Jumbo with a tinge of Introspection

Ok pardon the title. Not that anything would happen if you don't pardon it.

I've realised that watching teen dramas (altho im no longer a teen) is not just a waste of time and not just for pure entertainment. It could actually be pretty educational. Especially One Tree Hill. Not only can you actually relate to alot of instances in the show, it actually gets you thinking about alot of important stuff (evident from my previous post). Teaches you about life, love, family and friends. Ultimately alot of dramas nowadays revolve around these but we cant relate to all of em (hello...90210 and Gossip Girl, who d heck are rich like em???). Altho we CAN learn some stuff. Like Serena telling Nate not to tell the truth if the truth is gonna hurt somebody. Ok I dunno which is more gay. The fact Im quoting Gossip Girl or the fact I can even remember it. Or the fact i watch it. Well one thing I learnt from watching 6 seasons of OTH is that friendship is really important, and sometimes, when your parents are annoying assholes who don't treat you like proper children (or adults), your friends can be an "escape" route, for they are the ones who 'replace' the role of yr parents - provide moral and emotional support etc.

Speakin of parents, its funny how they are the ONLY ones in a conventional family not related by blood. LOL. ok random thought.

Looking back at below's post, I think what makes one close to another is NOT the number of facts we know abt the person [you may know everything about them, but if you can't "be a friend" to them, thats not being close. Just cos you know everything about your tutor doesnt make him/her a close friend, does it?]. It MAY BE the frequency of how much you hang out with them [the more times you hang out with them, chances are you will converse etc, but again that depends on what the conversation actually revolves around (superficial or deep), and what 'hanging out' actually means]. I think its the ease with which we can talk to that person about anything at any time that best defines how close we are to that person. Doesnt matter if they really hang out or you dont know every single detail of their life, but if you can talk to that person about anything at any time, chances are you will be closer. You can hang out daily and know everything about them, but if you cant hold a conversation with that person, that's not being close, is it. Case in point: Exam period was really hectic and I'd not hung out with anyone, especially a certain Miss T (since she calls me Fsspold man, Ive to think of a code name for her. and Good Girl Gone Bad Gone Terrible blah blah blah seems freakin ages ago. and too long). Anyway, we'd not hung out for months and after exams we finally had the chance to meet up and talk. Spent 6 bloody hours at MacD AC chit chatting abt everything and anything. THAT'S what I call a close friend. Though we rarely hang out, and I don know every single detail of that person's life, we can still talk easily :) At least in my opinion lah. I may be wrong, so....

Approx 2 weeks of holidays gone, another 13 weeks to go. And I'm already sick of hols, no thanks to the stupid circumstances and situations I've to face and been placed in.

Current Songs: Yáng Guāng Zhái Nán (Jay Chou), Bad Romance, Telephone (Lady Gaga), Secrets (OneRepublic), One Time (Justin Bieber), Shut It Down (Pitbull Feat. Akon), Outta My Head (Leona Lewis), 活著 (Jam Hsiao), Tik Tok (Ke$ha), Somebody To Love (Leighton Meester Feat. Robin Thicke), Wait Your Turn (Rihanna).
Don't ask y I have chinese songs or y i listen to em. I may not know wad d heck the songs are abt but the melody and tune is nice so thats reason enuf to listen to em. lol.

introspection

What provides us with the ability to claim that we are close to somebody? That we can say "oh yeah he/she's my close friend" or "nah im not close to that person at all".
What exactly defines closeness?
Is it assessed by the number of facts we know about that person? Their deepest secret, fear, favourite food, hobby etc?
Or perhaps the amount of time spent hanging out with them. Until we know their routines etc.
Or is it judged by the ease in which we can talk to them about anything at any time, no matter how trivial or significant, disturbing or embarrassing, sad or funny.

There comes a time when every life goes off course. Pretty sure its happened once. Could be minor, or major. In this desperate moment, we need to make decisions that determine the direction we're headed. Should we fight and get our lives back on track?Let others make decisions for us? Will we be haunted by these choices we make for ourselves, and regret them later in life? Each day marks a new beginning, where we can move forward, or simply give up.

Choices we make should not lead to regret. Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes its small, like when we do something wrong for a good reason, but yet it still goes against what we believe. Some are bigger, like when we betray a friend and let them down. But sometimes, we escape the pangs of regret by making the right choices. In those times where we don't, we need to fight to come to terms with the past, and all our choices that had defined that very moments. And other times, we simply bury our regrets by promising ourselves to change our ways for the better.

Life comes at us all the time, and at times we may struggle to find the courage to face it. Do we have someone we can depend on when we're too weak to depend on ourselves? Someone to watch over us when we stumble and fall, and in that instance, give us the courage we need to pick ourselves up and carry on with what life has to offer.
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Have you ever had a dream so real, that when you woke up you didn't know what to believe? What you would do if what you thought was true wasn't, and what you thought wasn't true was? Was there an intention for the dream you had? Like a warning, or message? Your conscience taking charge of your mind. Dreams of your friends dying, fighting with friends, at times completely incomprehensible that the mind does not know what to make of it. But yet the clarity of the dream still lingers long after it happened. Dreams of intruders breaking into your house, and in the process beating you senseless you land in a coma. Or being hunted by a killer and chased through dark places until he shoots you in the face and you drop dead. Dreams of failing a major exam, and being forced to retake it. Are dreams a warning of what is to come in the future? Or did they occur because of bitter or sweet experiences we had faced in the past?

Nostalgia!

This is what I've learnt from the 4 subjects Ive taken in my first sem in Monash:

Accounts: Just earning money is not enough. You need to know how to manage them as well.
Econs: A market just isnt the same anymore. you know, the one selling vegetables, poultry etc...
Management: A manager can be anyone in charge of a group of people. But lecturers in Monash can never be one cos they suck at everything.
Biz Stats: Timelines exist in personal life. The trend and cycle that had been occuring since my high school days. In high school, whenever the birthdays of my close social circle approached, some retarded big fight will occur. In Mufy/Monash, whenever hols approached, there'll be some kinda big/small argument/fight with my close fren. LOL. wtf. why m i so spastic?

Exams are finally over but Im not awashed with some giant euphoric feeling of joy. Maybe its the fact I know I didnt to my best for all papers, or the fact Im just tired. [Its NOT cos I cant study anymore. LOL].

Finally went to AC after forever with Gary, PW, Reb, Thanu, Vic & Gavin after Pyramid. How we managed to squeeze in PW's car was beyond me. Kinda gotten close wif these buncha ppl after few weeks of studying and chilling together. And Ann. Lala, Ashwin, Anna and tt whole bunch were also in AC. LOL. Old times, good times. Ann thrashed me in pool. obviously. cos shes been playin a lot and the last time i held a stick in my hand to hit balls [;)] was in July i tink.
Anywaes i find it weird tt ppl say the current frens i hang out wif are my "new" clique. they are jus another grp of frens. jus cos i hang out wif em more recently doesnt mean i forget my other frens.

After AC went back to Sun-U Condo cos Reb, PW n Gary needed a change of clothes. went to poolside to chill. Damn i miss swimming! Despite the unhappy moments thr, kinda miss condo too. Reminded me of my time in MUFY. pool looked damn tempting. but all in all the whole place felt rather alien. the guards were still a bitch tho. somethings never change.

Went for dinner at Tahir's place. He Pooja Ian apparently were cooking dinner and darn it was good. Hung there for a long while, then went to Macd since i owed ppl treats. Kena irritated by a bunch of Indian kids who were scaring the hell out of Reb and PW. bloody assholic kids. Hung out at my place, went to some really fantastic mamak, took a short rest back at Tahir's before finally leaving to KLIA ard 545am to send Pooja off. Met shane and elisha thr. Pretty emotional moment when they had to leave. And the stupid banner "We Make It Hard to Say Goodbye" didnt help one bit. Finally came home ard 10-11am.

More outings tmr, monday, tuesday. dunno wen to go back. Im not gonna lie when i say I will miss Sunway. ok not the place but the ppl. 3 months is long, and a lot can happen in 3 months. But i guess this is where everyone goes back to their pre-Sunway lives. whatever that means. Lets jus see wad happens in March 2010. Till then, goodnight Monash, goodbye Sunway and hopefully I'll set foot here in 3 months time. Dunno what the 3 months will hold for me. Doubt itll be good tho. As always.

realised this is the first time ive blogged 'traditionally' in a long long while. lol.

Hide and Seek

PLAGIARISM in ANY way shd be f*cking abolished! and i aint jus referring abt those in educational institutions.
Im insanely jealous. of them. sigh.
2 days to 3months of freedom.
I shd get shot. By myself. I am my own weakest link. Goodbye.


* I had a friend request from this South African girl I din know. I dun usually accept requests from unknowns, but I accepted her cos she was hot. After I did my friend count went down my one. MLIA.

* I was browsing thru my fren's page when I saw that he had 2 frens whose names were freakin similar to mine and a fren's. Ahmad Syalabi and Bek JunHao. WTF!

* Been studying like a man possessed for months now. Come exam time, I forgot EVERYTHING and was forced to crap. Furthermore, there's a high possibility I may even fail the darn paper. Studying so much and failing? I did say I may end up being the laughing stock of the entire Monash U. FML.

* Met Anu in Sunway Coll to study. Classroom was cool, and I tol her its fine. After a while it got warm and she said I cld adjust the aircon if i wanted. The aircon was never on in the first place. LOL.

* Was readin Econs tutorial questions. Ended up reading all the crap I had doodled on the paper instead. LOL.

* Took a pill to stay awake the whole night. Finally lived up to my "reputation" of being a junkie. LOL.

* Currently at a friend's place. He shall not be named to protect his identity.
Me: I wanna go back.
Him: Cannot.
Me: Why cannot go back?
Him: Cos u have an obligation.
Me: What obligation?
Him: An obligation...which you must oblige! =.=
.................................
Him: I can't start on a new topic in the evening or night. I need to eat first or sth.
Me: So when u plan to start? Tomorrow?
Him: Have to start asap lah, maybe tonight. =.=
.................................
Theres so much more I can write but Im not gonna reveal anymore lah. need to protect his privacy. BUT there was this "take it out" incident which was so hilarious but I cant talk about it cos its R21. HAHA. lame.

The trend of the exams so far has been:

Accounts: Shit cos all their questions were so rojak and encrypted with some sort of accounting spell that we cldn answer cos we din even know how to decipher them.
Econs: Honestly, the paper was easy. BUT. I blanked out and forgot everything. Damn!
Management: The paper was ok. What I thot would be tested came out. And I had focused on them. BUT. again. I spaced out. and couldnt recall what I studied. On top of that I din even finish the paper. bye bye 30 marks. bye bye pass? dun even mention HD.
Biz Stats: on friday. and i dunno why im blogging. instead of studying.

Ok this is random but u gotta listen to Owl City. He is the shit! His songs are catchy yet calming without being so mainstream. Kinda like Secondhand Serenade but not so "gay" lah.
I feel damn dirty. Wearing the same clothes over and over again.
Can't wait for Friday. Gonna freak out! Yes, I said freak out. no more STUDYING. no more EMO. no more crap. [ok i feel stupid talking to myself].

I shd go do sth more productive. Like studying.

FUCK YOU MONASH FUCK YOU!!!

ANGER. FRUSTRATION. DISAPPOINTMENT. BUT MAINLY REGRET.
seething with rage. all the energy, the time, the effort. the sleep sacrificed. all my drive to study has been destroyed. i dont see the point of trying so hard anymore. all the input, and no output. i may be overreacting. but still. all those weeks feverishly revising, practicing, consulting tutors. for what fuck?! im seriously at a point of breaking down. you may go WTF? or tell me to quit complaining, but yeah maybe u dunno how it feels. maybe you do. why the fuck do u test us on things we were not taught? ppl may just brush it off and "move on". well i cant. yeah its jus one paper but all that effort for nothing. so bad i actually left questions blank. this fuckin sux to the max. maybe i shdve jus enjoyed myself and not studied in the first place. guess i was right after all. i m the biggest joke. fuck u monash. fuck u. fuck myself.

I can only fear the worst for Econs, Management and Biz Stats now.

Trouble is a Friend of Mine

Try this. It's supposed to work....

1) Think of your favourite number

2) Think of someone of the same sex

3) Think of someone of the opposite sex

4) Pick one out of dog, cat, tiger, snake

5) Pick one out of blue, red, white, green

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1) The number you chose is supposedly the number of real close friends you'll have in life.

2) This is your closest/best friend.

3) This is the person you have a crush on/like/are currently with. [2 and 3 may intertwine]

4) This is a general analysis of how you view relationships.

Dog = You are extremely loyal when it comes to relationships and friendships. You place high importance on your relationships with your loved ones. You put them ahead of a lot of things and go all out not to jeapordise them. You love them alot and will do anything for them.

Cat = You are selective when it comes to picking your friends. You have different 'levels' of proximity with them; you don't trust all of them and are not close with all of them. They form your social circle for the sake of, and they rarely get close to you. Only because you rarely let them.

Tiger = You are very protective of your friends. You will defend them at all means but you are not necessarily close with them. You just need them when the time arises, and thats when you look for them. You prefer to be alone most of the time.

Snake = You place little value on friendships and relationships. You are generally manipulative, and you use your friends for your own advantage without taking their feelings or the consequences of your actions into consideration. You are not afraid to trample on anyone for the sake of reaching whatever intentions you have.

5) This is a general analysis of your character

Blue = You are relatively cool, not in physique but in mannerisms. You are not generally open, and tend to be introverted alot. However, with the correct people, you can turn around and let them in. You hate conflicts, and when one arises, you will do whatever it takes to resolve it as you do not want it to drag further. You may have little consideration of others' emotions, as you may let out little outbursts every now and then.

Red = You are very tempremental. Little things irk you easily and you lose your cool at the smallest of incidents. You get mad when things dont go your way and you tend to blast off at people, even when they are not involved. However, you are also passionate and emotional when it comes to relationships. You care for people that matter alot. You are strong willed and focused at achieving whatever goal you want to pursue.

White = You are the proverbial "good guy"; you dislike conflicts, you try your very best to please everyone, you tend to keep to yourself and shun from the "spotlight". You rarely lose your cool, and you have a very matured perception on life. You may not care for everyone around you, but you do not hate them as well; you are neutral.

Green = You are a nature lover; you like the environment and animals. You are sensitive to the needs of others and you are calm and collected, more often than not. You are also laidback, sometimes lacking focus and direction in life. You need others to push you before you start doing something. You are generally in tune with your social life and family. You do not get affected by problems easily.

*these are just the main analysis of behaviour. of course it does not define accurately one single individual, who is most probably a mixture of behaviours. This just portrays the dominant characteristics.

ŔάŋФM

= Finally went out with Oscar. Didn't know he was with his gf. Die. Gonna feel like a lamppost. He speaks mandarin with his gf. I've always hated that feeling. Die. Surprisingly I felt the most unlamppost-y during the outing and it was fun. Potential double lamppost situation avoided.


= After meeting Oscar, I decided to walk back home. It drizzled, then rained heavily. By the time I got back I was soaked. And the rain stopped.


= I tried putting my phone in my pocket. Then I realised I was wearing my boxers.


= I woke up at 7am, rushed to uni at 9am for an 830am lecture, supposed to end at 10am, but ended at 915am. I took longer getting ready than the lecture itself.


= I used liquid paper to correct a word I wrote wrongly. After it dried I wrote the same wrong word.



= A friend postponed her flight back to her hometown, supposedly because of me. I finally felt important in someone's life.


= The last day of sem was all I could ask for. Finally doing well for management, getting good grades for econs and having a blast after uni.


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Shaheen wants to know:



#Why ppl in sunway drive like crazy bitches, speeding like shit even in the tightest of spaces.



# Why the inventor of the MGW1010 exam is so spastic. If they know from experience that students can hardly finish the paper, why allocate so little time? Isn't the purpose of this exam to test our knowledge and understanding of the subject and not our speed-writing skills?



# Why some people are complete assholes. Or pussies.



# Why he just can never be neutral at some point, and towards certain issues.

# Why he always has dreams of his friends dying.



# Why the hell he is speaking as a 3rd person about himself.


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I am on the verge of being the biggest laughing stock in the entire Monash University. Why? Cos I've been studying so friggin much, so much that Im so nerd that even a nerd would laugh at me (sorry to all "nerds"), that everyone is expecting me to ace the exams, and Ive a lil feeling that Im gonna implode during the exams and flunk. And everyones gonna luff at me for studying so hard for nothing. damn.
Tutorials finally ended. One full week to revise and competely finish everything. and i hope I can. tahan another 21 more days, and I have 3 months plus to freak out. but cant tink of that as of now. Sien.


GOALS: To complete revision for Management and Business & Economic Stats and re-revision for Accounts and Econs.

Planning: Specific Plans with strict adherence to created timelines and division of work.


ORGANISING: Divisional Structure of time and effort. Both must be coordinated to accomplish the specific tasks of assigned chapters of managements.

MOTIVATING:

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:

Physiological Needs: nice food and enough sleep

Safety Needs: Security and Protection from emotional scarring of studying too much

Social Needs: Occasional outings to relax mind

Esteem needs: Be glad in the knowledge hard work wont be futile

Self-actualisation Needs: Achieving my potential and realising all this will aid in exams

CONTROLLING: Bureaucratic control with rigid rules implemented for me to follow to not divert from the tasks that is to study and complete assigned chapters.

OMFG see how much management has already screwed me up. Last time was econs tt i kept applying to daily life and now its management. Im in need of serious help. My brain is going dead, my eyes are failing to function properly and my other senses seek to refuse cooperation. Haih. Ive blown so many ppl off cos Ive been studying like crazy and hence Ive pissed them off. Jus try to understand aite. I got exams coming up, you ppl may/may not have exams I dunno. Wadever u wanna do with yr time is up to u but i need to study, so don get pissed off/upset I cant go out. I WANT to, but i CANNOT. Understand those two terms before u launch into some verbal/emotional tirade of anger or sorrow. Other than studies I have my own shits to deal with so lay off. Uve probably seen me being tad diff these past few days and tts purely cos of exam stress so jus tahan a bit more. If u cant then i got nothin more to say. ("you" refer generally not specific).

Seems that of late I've "shifted" out of my own room and conquered the hall. Made it my own and turned it into one giant mess of all my studying shit.



Anu's econs mcq test sheet. cldn stop laughing at this. But feel damn proud of her for her Econs Ass 2. She beat all us supposed "smarties" in econs. Not to say shes not smart. She jus isnt 'experienced' as us, i supose. Congrats Minachi. :) So very globoldolic of you. Today's been a good day on the whole. Need to prepare for the very hellacious week ahead, by which all revision shdve been completed.
Din realise this so called random post wd be so long. But it was random! LOL.