End of Hols, End of Hell? (as i know it)

So hols are drawing to a close, and 3.5 months have just zoomed past like nobody's business. And its weird when you realise the upcoming sem is about the same duration with the hols we just had. Time to bid adieu to home sweet home, and say hello to bright sunny Sunway. Here's what I've learnt in the past few months or so (not that you'd care lol but I aint askin for yr permission).

* its better to ask for forgiveness than for permission

* some people are just a waste of time to have in your life. its better to just cut them out.

* the time will come when u have to finally step up and take a stand on yr own life. and not follow what ppl always tell u to do. if not, you'll be living THEIR lives, not YOURS.

* boredom has its own benefits. sometimes.

* holidays doesnt necessarily equate to good times. yours truly found out the extremely painful way.

* if ppl cant accept u for who u are, then they dun really care abt u. of course, some have their own standards and principles and stuff, but every relationship has certain "gives and takes". u cant expect someone to change their behaviour just because someone else doesnt like it.

* talking about problems doesnt necessarily makes you feel better, given the saying "talking it out will make u feel better". [ok its not really a saying lah but u geddit]. while it may hold true at times, sometimes it doesnt cos the person u talk it out to doesnt actually care about it altho they persistently ask. they just wanna know for the sake of knowing.

* friends come and go. having good friends is healthy (yes it is). sadly, good friends are hard to find nowadays. and those friends that u tink are close to u may just be assholes in disguise, and cant be trusted.

* sleeping late and being haunted every night is very very unhealthy. messes alot with your mind and body.

* late night chats on the phone that last for hours are pretty fun. unless u hear a scary male voice on the line all of a sudden when you're talking to a girl.

* gaining weight is a surreptitious activity. u THINK u still weigh and look the same (ard there). next thing u know poof u gained 8kg.

* when ppl say "ill think abt it/i'll try/i'll see what i can do", most prolly they wont do nothing.

* tragedy can strike at any damn time. and they force u to tap into a side of yrself that u didnt know existed, and delve into the strange world of evil (as in behavioural evil, not Jennifer's Body evil)

* being chased by a huge ginormous flying insect for 10+ mins around yr house at 3am is really good exercise.

* when yr chamber of secrets has been opened and u are asked about it, just deny it [especially if its a secret u do not want known].

* Singapore is so much better than JB. Im so glad Im Sporean, altho JB will forever be my home.

* apparently ive been emo for wayyyyyy too long that now, when Im happy ppl think Im on drugs.

* Facebook is getting really boring. All people do nowadays are become fans of this and that and send really annoying invitations to be on their damn farm/aquarium/mafia.

* Sometimes u really cant read people at all. Those popular kids in school (those typical swimmer/sportsppl etc) may actually turn out to be "queer", and those shoved in the back who constantly get derided (being called gay, weirdo etc) may turn out to be popular in their later years.


7 days to March 1. To Sem. To nerding. To stress. May the Force be with us all. I am hoping so much that I do NOT get a repeat of first sem. that whole sem was a gigantic mess.

Mr Bean's Avatar

Seriously cant stop LMAO at this pic. Too bloody funny.

Which One Are U?

"Please tell me what is taking place
Cos I can't seem to find a trace
Guess it must have got erased somehow

Can't help it if I space in a daze
My eyes tune out the other way
I may switch off and go in a day dream
In this head my thoughts are deep
Sometimes I can't even speak
Would someone be and not pretend
I'm off again in my world"
Avril Lavigne - My World

"You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you
All the things you had for me
All the shit that you do"
Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending

"You lookin' like a tool not a bawler
You're actin' like a chick why bother
I can find someone way hotter
With a bigger *wow*"
Ke$ha - Kiss N Tell

"That I just want you to know
I found out the reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I found out the reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you"
Hoobastank - The Reason

"Am I just some chick you placed beside you
To take somebody's place
When you turn around
Can you recognize my face

Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care
We're not going anywhere"
Avril Lavigne - Losing Grip

"My new nickname is you idiot (such an idiot)
Thats what my friens are calling me when
They see me yelling into my phone
They tellin' me let go
He is not the one
I thought I saw your potential
Guess thats what made me dumb

This is stupid I'm not stupid
Don't talk to me like I'm stupid
I still love you but I just cant do this
I may be dumb but I'm not stupid"
Rihanna - Stupid In Love

"Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down knocks you down"
Keri Hilson - Knock You Down

"The 7 things I hate about you
You're vain, your games
You're insecure
You love me you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends they're jerks
When you act like them
Doesn't know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing
I hate the most that you do
You make me love you"
Miley Cyrus - 7 things

"Sometimes I feel like I'm going out of my mind
Boy the way you do me is a damn crime
But then you smile at me and it's alright
With you there ain't no in between
Every time that I walk out the door
Tell myself I can't take it no more
There's a part of me won't let you go
I keep saying yes when my minds' saying no

Me and my heart we got issues
Don't know if I should hate you or miss you
Damn I wish that I could resist you
Can't decide if I should slap you or kiss you"
The Saturdays - Issues

"There you go
You're always so right
It's all a big show
It's all about you
You think you know
What everyone needs
You always take time to criticize me
It seems like everyday
I make mistakes
I just can't get it right
It's like I'm the one you love to hate
But not today

So shut up shut up shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out get out get out
Get out of my way
Step up step up step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down"
Simple Plan - Shut Up

"Do you ever feel like breaking down
Do you ever feel out of place
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

To be hurt to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
You feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else
Are you sick of feeling so left out
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate
Are you sick of everyone around
With the big fake smiles
And stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding"
Simple Plan - Welcome To My Life

... and a song that contains perhaps one of the most meaningful lyrics.....

"Sometimes we fall down can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's too late it's not too late
Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would've done

Yeah we gotta start
Lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got then we gotta start thinkin'
If every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

If your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful
Who we left out of our lives
When we long for absolution
There'll be no one on the line

You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone"
Kris Allen - Live Like We're Dying

Current Songs:
Kiss N Tell, Blah Blah Blah (Ke$ha)
Love Me (Justin Bieber)
Live Like We're Dying (Kris Allen)
Time For Miracles, Whataya Want From Me (Adam Lambert)
Imma Be (Black Eyed Peas)
Young Forever (Jay-Z)

Penderitaan Dalam Kesunyian....lol

In the past, whenever fights/arguments/misunderstandings occured, we always apologised first, whether we were right or wrong. Why? Because the value of the friendship/relationship was more than the value of our pride - it didn't matter that we "lose face" by apologising first, as long as it kept that friendship intact and strong. But not anymore. The days of us always apologising first has to go, and gone it has. It's not because the value of the friendship has decreased, or that the value of our pride has increased; it's simply cos constantly apologising will only cover the source of the real problem by making things seem as though they are okay again, when they really aren't. The message won't get across and people won't ever understand cos our apologies make them think that everything is ok and its been done and dusted. It's not, and the sad part is, it probably never will be.

It's impossible to give your attention to every single person in your life; those closer to you will indefinitely recieve more of yours, and those that aren't may receive less or none at all. You don't mean to be mean, but that's how it is. But sometimes pre-destined priorities or bonds that have been set make this rather tricky, complicated and ultimately frustrating. Someone may mean the world to you, but to that person, you are just "somebody else". They have a silent obligation, a "circle" in which they are forever bonded with and in, and we are forever on the outside, trying desperately to find a way to get in, but to no avail. Whatever we do for them only brings us to the surface of that circle, but never inside. While those on the inside remain inside even if they are complete assholes. There's just no way to break this circle, and that's the sorrowful deal we've been dealt. Talking to them about it won't do you any good. Why? Cos they'll deny it, an argument will break out, and you're forced to never bring it up again. So what do we do? We suffer in silence. BUT that does not mean we'll allow it. We just pick ourselves up and fight back. In silence. And the day that we are truly gone from your lives, you may not even care, or it will be the day you will finally realise and regret.

Suffer In Silence

Some bonds are unspoken
Some bonds are unbroken
They can't be penetrated
They leave you frustrated
What do we do?
We suffer in silence.

We give them our all
We're there when they fall
But once they get up
You find yourself shut out
What can we do?
We suffer in silence.

Words are shared and emotions run high
Yet everything ends with a sigh
Despite their faults and all your tries
Seen by all except their eyes
What's there to do?
We suffer in silence.

Priorities are set
Your expectations aren't met
They're most important to you
Yet they don't have a clue
What's left to do?
We suffer in silence.

Pointless arguments and stupid fights
About who is wrong and who is right
And yet nothing enters their heads
Because those bonds have made them dead
Screams reverberate inside
We suffer in silence.

Those bonds have higher value
Forces defeat for you
Hands tied and lips sealed
Given a very sorrowful deal
Nothing we can do
We suffer in silence

Once the dust settles
Your mind's going mental
Cos nothing you've done
Can change what's gone
And in the end
We suffer in silence.

This is dedicated to someone. You know who you are. Hope things get better.

S.I.G.H

Perhaps its watching too much of Survivor that made this hell of a home feel like a Survivor campsite - gotta be careful who u can trust, watch out for those who stab u in the back, those who bitch about u and u gotta pray u dont get targeted. Such is the state of hell I'm in right now that even when I cannot possibly lose anymore, things can still get worse and descend to levels I could never fathom. Home? Family? Sigh. Stupid Ignorant Gay House.

And its really troubling to know how assholic, repulsive and plain fucked up certain human beings can be. The following video is DISTURBING. Can cause your heart to break, and yr eyes to tear. I know mine nearly did. Completely inhumane.

This Lithuanian fucker had a problem with this dog, named Pepper, who had apparently disturbed his mother. He stole Pepper from his neighbour and wanted to prove that "dogs can fly" as revenge. Pepper miraculously survives, but unfortunately it succumbed to its massive injuries a week later. A global internet campaign to find and arrest this jackass proved successful after he was nabbed in Sweden. Sadly, he was only charged for animal cruelty and faced 1 year imprisonment. Jail is probably too good for this motherfucker of a human who should be thrown off the same bridge and have his body run over by a giant truck. ASSHOLE.

Automatic Systematic Problematic So Dramatic

The classic adage that "friends come and go but family remains forever" will always hold true to a certain extent, but personally, ive experienced enough to challenge this notion which i deem fallible. As independent as one may be, they will at some point need support - no one is omnipotent etc - and well, friends have basically provided that more than family has for the past few years. And there comes a point when even indifference cannot make the pain go away and the capacity to overlook everything is replete with and taken over by anger and hate. I cannot take anymore of all this shit. And its come to the point where Ive nothing else to say except I sincerely hate u.

Came across this article. One measure of judging how much u mean to someone or how close u are to them arises in the form of when u are facing a problem. Kinda coincidental cos I can pretty much relate to it right now. But its just a general concept since the fundamentals and dynamics of life cannot be grasped and understood easily.
If a friend knows you have a problem and responds with "I'm sorry to hear that", "Damn that sucks" or its apropos, chances are that person doesn't really care about the ongoings in your life and is probably not close with you at all. You don't mean much to him/her.
If that friend's response is "Wish I could help you" or anything related along that line, he/she is probably close and does care about you but not enough. The "wish" is merely a veneer to mask the fact that action speaks louder than words.
When a friend lets his/her action do the talking in the form of advice or material help, you probably mean a lot to that person for them to want to bail you out of the trouble you are having. He/she is probably a very close friend.

Having said that, the above measure may/may not be accurate and the only way u get to judge someone is once uve gotten to know em and all. An example is that a stranger may know your problem and may offer help. That does not make him/her yr close friend, but it does imply that he/she is a good person.

It sux tryna free yourself from a maze when every exit u find is immediately slammed shut in your face and ur back to where u started, only worse off cos there are fewer exits to escape from. But its nice to know that in the darkest of times, when all hope seems lost, there are certain people you know you can always turn to. (sounds like a Mariah Carey song...)
Been ever helpful. Jolly. Unwaveringly nice. Boy, I am omni-thankful. Little itsy me. Touched. Surprisingly united. Always nearly nutty. Alas, never getta mingle, interact. Nevermind, go slowly. Hopefully establish now.

I've found my avatar, XsXsX. And no "it" is not in Pandora.

I seriously need some light in this shitty hellhole. Im losing my mind. Thankfully there are few 'angels' keeping me sane. Needless to say I love em. But for one, without hugs and kisses. LOL.

Current Songs:
王妃 - Jam Hsiao
Vanilla Twilight - Owl City
Take It Off - Ke$ha
Hard - Rihanna
All Or Nothing - Jay Sean