You & I in a diVERSE CITY.

*6.19pm. Doing Accounts. Felt room shaking. Sat on the bed. Bed was spinning. Thot was my head from studying/onlining too much. Called Nick. He felt it too. Apparently there was a 7.9 earthquake in Sumatra. Woah. My first tremors lol. Pretty cool experience.

Anyway, after a lil bit of "different" posts of late, I've decided to revert to the more traditional route of 'updating' my ongoings. Could get pretty wordy and long...

Week 10 of uni. its break week, thk God. I'm gonna try and surmise my entire 10 weeks in this post. (gasp!). First few weeks were the 'adjustment' period- tryin to adjust from mufy to uni. it was pretty hard. Lectures and tutorials were rather alien. Din know we had to read the unit guides ourselves and do the tutorials corresponding to the weeks, until JB tol me abt it. Tutors and lecturers din say anything. Apparently due to the concept of 'Independent Learning' where we do everything ourselves, including assignments. So from weeks 1-4, I was a blur zombie unawares of what the hell was going on and playing catch up. Tutorials were done by just highlighting the damn book and attempting the questions. After that all info went out my head. Heck this can't be the way to study in uni...

The decisive moment came somewhere in week 5 or 6 where we had simultaneous assignments due, econs and accounts. That prompted me to start on them quickly, and in order to do so, I had to actually STUDY the relevant chapters instead of just completing tutorials for the sake of. So there came my plan on how to actually study...

In MUFY, I kinda made notes for everything (sans English), which was like a detailed summary of our books, and basically studied from there. Initially I thot why not do the same with Uni? After all this method served me well in MUFY. But after seeing the books, Im like hell no. Well, I realised there are lecture notes for every subject. So I decided ok, use that to study instead. JB printed the first lecture notes for me (accts). So after the first lecture, went back to study it. The lecture notes are meant to be concise, but perhaps tad too concise, cos it wasnt that detailed, and I had to refer back to the text. That got me thinking, Why read the notes if its kinda incomplete? If i've to read the textbook, then its as good as studying twice. And I dun have the time or energy to study every chapter of every unit twice. Which was then I decided to go all out and resurrect my MUFY style of studying. So now, after every lecture (without lecture notes), I just listen to what the lecturer says, go back and read that chapter, and make my own notes on it. Then I do the tutorial. Its a longer process, but at least theres information retention. So this is how I've been studying for the past 4-5 weeks. Call me crazy/nerdy, but studying's kinda been the only activity I've been doing of late. It's like an addiction. I've not gone out for bloody long, and my social life has been very stagnant. A senior once told me in uni, u'll face a trade-off between yr social life and yr studies. If you wanna excel, you gotta cut down alot on yr social life. You wanna keep your social life, your studies will suffer. From wat I've experienced so far, her words seem to hold some truth to it. Alot actually.

Well, as mentioned earlier, break is here. Finally. After a very stressful week [studies, assignments and fights]. It's retarded, but the happiest I am about this break is that I finally have the time to catch up and revise all chapters I din really understand earlier. Only prob is the 2 assignments that I gotta do as well. And this is where I became most freaky. I actually made a daily plan of all the work I would for the break period. Kinda helps me keep track and maintain my focus so I don't stray off.

Accounts

Chapters 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, tutorial 10

Assignment 2

Econs

Chapters 10, 11, 14, 21

Business Econs Stats

Topic 1

Management

Assignment 2:

Print and read 7 articles

Title Page

Table of Contents

Executive Summary

Introduction

Report

Conclusion & Recommendation

References

Appendix

So this is what I plan to accomplish during break. I know, Im sucha nerd. So far progress looks ok. Just that certain unforeseen circumstances might cause my daily plans to go off track. Like today. FINALLY WENT OUT. after a month i tink. relived old times with anu and lala. hit pyramid. it was fun, just like old times. One year on, Im still old, lala is still blur (AND CLUMSY) and anu is fat well, anu. There shd be more of today.

I guess this 'lifestyle' could suit me- making studies my main priority and spending most of my time just concentrating on studies. Yeah we shd have a balance right, study and play. But there just seems to be so much drama on a daily basis. How to play? So instead of worrying about all that, might as well just spend the time and energy studying. I dun care if I'm labelled a nerd or wadever, as long as it helps me get good grades for uni. Dang Ive never studied so bloody much in my life for consecutive weeks. So proud of myself. Lol so perasan.

Study at my table...

Study on my bed


And even on my floor. Thats how much of a nerd I've turned into.




See how much studies ruin our health? Poor anu study so much till she had to sleep in the library.

Would be good to take a break too though. Sigh. Just one thing annoying me is food. In uni its just cafeteria food, which is overpriced and underquality. And now durin hols, its the same prob each day. What to eat. Mamak, Pyramid, fast food. Sigh. It's expensive and Im gettin sick of it. I need to go back home. Bloody assignments. Lets see what next week has in store for us all.

(if u managed to make it through this post up to this point, and ur brain dead, dun say I din warn u)

F*ck, My Life Is Average

. I added a girl I liked on Facebook. So did my friend. She accepted his request. She rejected mine.

. Anu and I saw a poster of this malay guy in uni. I said "he looks just like a typical malay Singaporean". Anu replied "Most malays in Singapore look like that?" I said "no".

. I decided not to go back during the break cos I have 2 assignments due the week after and I "may have to go to the library to print stuff I need for my assignments". Found out library will be closed during break.

. Anu asked me to talk to Aaron on the phone. She passed it to me. I said "hello?". The phone was still ringing.

. I've been doing my Econs tutorials every week without fail. The only one time I did not (due to bloody management), I got picked to answer a question, which I obviously couldnt answer.

. I brought all my textbooks on Friday for tutorials. After reaching the first class I realised I left them in Anu's car.

. I left my ipod on the toilet shelf and nearly knocked it down. I shrieked in a high pitched voice. It's ok cos no one heard.

. I was doing management homework with Anu in Shimi's place. He tripped my laptop wire and it unplugged. It's ok cos I was using battery.

. Anu had 4 notifications on Facebook for the day. I had 51. I felt popular.

. After 2 successive weeks of sleeping 3-4 hours a day, I was in desperate need of sleep. Went back and decided to sleep immediately. Friends decided to call me at that precise moment.

. I have the room to myself for a week, for once. I thought of all the privacy I could get, then realised I was happiest at the thought of being able to study peacefully.

. This girl in our biz stats class walked past me, anu and ann. She smiled at who I presumed to be was anu, so I din do anything. Anu din do anything cos she claimed she din know the girl. The girl must either feel very embarrassed, or tink that Anu and I are stuck up bitches.

. I realised I'm in need of more female friends on facebook, but more male friends in real life.

. I had just made up with a friend after a big fight. We were having lunch and the mood was still pretty awkward. I suddenly thought of an inside joke and tried to stifle my laughter. I ended up making weird noises through my nose.

. Went to the bookshop to buy chocs. There was a long queue of ppl wanting to bind their assignments, so all the staff were busy and there was no one at the counter. I felt stupid waiting, so I pretended to text.

[current mood = satisfied]
[current song(s)
= it's alright, it's ok (ashley tisdale)
= sex on fire (kings of leon)
= use somebody (kings of leon)
= happy (leona lewis)
= evacuate the dancefloor (cascada)
= run this town (jay-z)]

分裂 / 离开

Dear God,
It does seem that all good things do come to an end after all. Right now, I hate this part; I hate the sound of silence, it makes my mind go into disturbia. Hell no I'm not having the time of my life. I gotta feeling that uni is like a battlefield or circus, a boulevard of broken dreams, but never a funhouse - it's like an invitation that screams 'Welcome to the Black Parade'. We don't know who has a poker face, and who's the hero/heroine. All these rumours that are rollin' from supposed 'paparazzi' have to stop; don't turn this into a public affair ok. If I had 21 guns I'll shoot you busybodies senseless, but they'll say you have to know your enemy first. But we are human after all, not superhuman, and no one wears a halo; none of us are an angel. I planned to breakaway, say goodbye, and go M.I.A., escape to somewhere I belong. Who knew that what goes around comes around, that in the end, karma would bite me so hard? I'm hatin' on the club, and I so wanna get out of this club, but it seems like I'm just dead and gone. I wanna evacuate the dancefloor and just dance, tell myself it's alright, it's ok, but I know it's not. I'm going under, and someone, who knows how to save a life, needs to bring me to life. I always apologize, and I said never again, but oops... I did it again. Why am I so complicated? Maybe it's just the way I are. Perhaps I should ring the alarm and just listen, since this is a friggin wake up call for me. What about now? Now that he's already gone, it's easy to say that my life would suck without you, you being a stranger. I won't go deeper, or people will tell me "ur so gay". Our friendship has been damaged; we are broken strings. Can it be repaired one step at a time? Or is it too little too late? Keeps getting better and better in time? I hate this new divide, but really, it's no surprise. I shouldn't bottle it up; I should have come clean with the reason instead of my wordplay. My hot n cold attitude always gives you hell amidst claims that you use somebody. He is so sick of it, saying "eh eh there's nothing else I can say", telling himself don't trust me and don't waste your time. Just so you know, I'm tired of being sorry, but, sorry, blame it on me. This is the purest of pain, that everything gets harder everyday and it cuts like a knife. Then it's about a girl, miss independent, the supposed good girl gone bad who's daddy's little girl. People wonder about that girl; she's beautiful, but they can't decode her because these words are unwritten. She's just screaming "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman, I just wanna live", but nobody understands. Big girls don't cry, and cry she doesn't, but she has to choose between labels or love. She's not like most girls; she'll say "leave me alone" although her heart says "i'm lonely". Others, like lala, nick and anu, who know my dirty little secret(s), ask me to shake it off or keep holding on, cause they don't want me to fall to pieces. But for how long? Until the end of time? Am I just chasing cars or chasing pavements? If there's an answer, give it to me. Thanks God.

*name all the singers of the songs and I shall treat you to an above-average meal. LOL.

Fuck (Insert Name Here)'s Life

=I finished an assignment that usually takes a few days in 5-7 hours. I felt proud of myself. Then I realised I did it wrongly. FML.

=After finally completing the assignment, i brought my pendrive to uni to print. I didn't save the correct file. FML

=Person S spent the whole night driving around and when he came home he found his dad smartly dressed in front of his computer. He didn't realise it was his dad's birthday. His dad had waited to have dinner with him. FS'sDad'sL.

=Person J was making weird "1,2" signals to Person A. Person A responded with the same signals, without getting it. This went on for a while, until Person A realised Person J was talking to someone behind her. FA'sL

=Person N had wanted to pay the electricity bill for some time, just that the money hadn't been collected. After finally getting the money, he went to Pyramid to pay. He then realised he forgot to bring the bill. FN'sL

=My younger bro warned me to have some sort of entertainment during the Hari Raya trip to Spore, citing the jam. I told him I've my ipod, which I listen to all the time. Upon returning home I realised my battery was low, and I forgot to bring the cable back home. FML.

=Person T went to Econs class in the hopes of seeing a cute boy. She sat herself where he usually sat, with an empty seat beside her. Not only did someone else sit beside her, but the cute boy did not show up. FT'sL.

=Person N blogged about Person T about her 'change'. Person T read about it, got upset and cleared things up with Person N. I blogged about Person B, stating issues I had. He read it, became pissed and subsequently ended our friendship. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFML

The End of a Friendship, the Beginning of Love

In the midst of this emotional turmoil at having to deal with one of the most hurtful and painful phases that had unexpectedly [or maybe expectedly?] occured [which I'm so hoping can be cleared though the pessimist in me say that this time it's over for good], I came across a very insightful note that ought to turn u guys a lil more introspective and think for a bit. It's very wordy, and it can give u a headache at first glance, but if u bother, u will find it to be very meaningful.

"Funny how life works out, we're preached about destiny,fate, religion, morals etc. But really life doesnt just work out does it? Maybe life really is what we make of it, what you lose.. what you gain.. it's all due to a choice you made either now or a long time ago. We like to claim how people change over the years, but do they really? We might change how we look on the outside but arent we still the same on the inside? Does it mean that cause we're all different from each other that we have to use it as a reason to not like each other? Maybe its just the environment we live in, maybe its just human mentality, maybe its just that we overthink whats right and whats wrong too much. It's a lovely sunday morning, as i look out the window i see the lil kids swimming in the pool, the old aunty and uncle having a walk around the condo.. The mother and father pushing their kid on the swing. Look out the window, but clear your mind before you do that. Just have a look around.. Maybe youll see that life isnt as bad as you think it is. Maybe youll figure that maybe one day when you grow up youll have the answer to all your questions. Maybe, youve just been looking in the wrong places for those answers. Maybe one day you;ll appreciate what you have. Maybe, just maybe..only.. maybe.. Will you realise that, what really matters is never ever giving up. We meet lots of people along the way, some of whom we never see again and some who we never ever dare to imagine never seeing again. All of us have people who mean tons to us, we gotta hold them close, cuz when all else comes crashin down we know, that they'll still be there for us, helping us get through it as best as they can. I never really thanked my lucky star for the amazing friends that i have without whom id be so lost. Have you ever really sat down and thought where youd be without them? haha all those times at kfc/macs.. all the times theyve come over and youve went over to their crib, the times when you did the arab money dance haha, carrying your drunk friend everywhere to find him a place to crash, chilling at fort canning looking up at the sky, all the times u decided to be a typical mat and slack under a void deck hahha, those times when u look over to your friend trying to blow smoke rings with sheesha haha and thinking hes super cool cause hes the " ringmastaaaa", ALL THOSE TIMES YOU CAMWHORED EVERYWHERE AND ANYWHERE!!!!! (\m/) but most importantly all those times when you were just together, smiling and laughing. If you love someone stay true to it if you really believe in what you have, cause love isnt just about being with that person, its not about how much you see each other, the number of gifs you buy them, its not abt wht goes on behind cloosed doors, i believe its about having someone that you know, you can be totally helpless with. Love's about the small little things like when you look in that persons eyes n see your reflection, its that feeling you get when when that persons in your arms, love is about.. just wanting the be the best you can be for the other person and love is also about sacrifice. I think i finally know what that sacrifice means, its about not holding the other person back from the best he/she can be. Its about letting go when you have to and holding them tight when you need to.. because no matter how far that person may be from you, theyre still thinking about you, holding their pillow.. wishing that you were there too. W're never alone, theres always someone out there thinking of you. Cherish every moment youve had or have with that person and hold it close to your heart , because no matter what love has a way of finding its way back to you just as long as you have faith in each other."

Certain things may not apply to you[like the camwhoring/arab money dance etc], but the essence of this post shd still get u ppl thinking.
Written by Immy YoursTruly Sexcy [some dude]. Used without permission.

Stupid Stupid Stupid

Things were hectic. Became calm. And its about to get hectic again. And I'm not just talkin abt studies. Get to that later. I just realised I'm perhaps the single biggest idiot in the whole of Monash, if not the world. Time and time again I keep making the same mistakes. What's a confused young adult to do in a situation where he loses on both fronts? I dun mind helping people. Just don use me. I hate it. I've been guilty of it myself. I've stopped. You ppl shd too. Its sickening beyond description. The number of ppl Ive never spoken to in my life suddenly smsing/calling/msning demanding for my econs/accts assignments. WTF. Like I said I dont mind helping. At least help yourself first.

Realisation sunk in yesterday while studying management. Something that had caused a lot of discomfort in my mind for months finally hit me last night. The difference between real and fake. Well my lil ignorant-emo stint only served to cause hurt and unnecessary anguish. But I doubt it'll ever end. Not cos of me this time. It's tiring to be used. Actions speak louder than words. Words can lie. Actions rarely. I'm not gonna be blasting off at ppl anymore. Its lame and just childish, I realised. But I've kinda lost myself already. And it's hard to find myself back. Only certain ppl can see how I was before. Lame, Hyper, Retarded.That so called "emotional connection". Not cause they earned it, or that they deserve to. Hell, I aint some mighty Lord. Its just cause it is. I've tried too hard. Mentioned it once. Convinced myself it was real. That you were real. But I guess it was pretty much a lie. Damn why am I so emo???????

Nick once said "You cant keep depending on frens. Soon theyll start having their own lives and theyre gonna leave, and then youll be all alone."
True that. I try to bliv that certain frens will last, that they can somehow end up as lifelong frens, but i know it wont happen, and I dun bliv Ill ever get married. Im destined to live a sad lonely life lol. Maybe the path is already set. Kinda feelin it now already.

Anu said "Whats the point of scoring so high in MUFY? Its the score in uni that counts, right?"
True that as well. I may have scored so darn high in MUFY but in uni im being owned like nobody's business. Failed first biz stats "test" and barely passed econs assignment 1.

But I guess this is one area the onus is on me to change the current situation. I cant change how people behave, or how they treat you, but I can change how I'm faring in my studies. Ive no idea if its seeing Ian's constant Facebook stats abt him being a supposed workaholic or what but of late I've just felt the mood to study. The energy and drive. Maybe it was the accts and econs assignments that spurred me to finally start studying (not just finishing hw). Last weekend was perhaps my most productive one. Actually studied everything, including that horrible Biz Stats (which is pretty ok actually). Well I can feel this drive wont fade anytime soon, and I guess its better to prioritise my studies and focus on it instead of always worrying about friends who may not even be real frens or frens who are yr frens only becos they wanna use you for something.

Well life's unfair. Life's A bitch. Theres nothing we can do about it.

This is dedicated to you and you only

Never done this. Will never do it again. Cos its lame. and gay. but its imperative i do this. feels like a must. This is for you (though u may never even read this in the first place. lol) Here goes...

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I'm sorry. I've said it once on msn. I've said it to you in person.
And yet it doesnt feel like its enough.
You deserve every bit of an explanation from me.
And yet I can't provide you with one.
Reason being the explanation is illogical.
My treatment was completely uncalled for.
It was tremendously unfair to you.
You didn't see it coming. You had to deal with it.
And I gave you hell for no reason at all.
When all you've done is be the closest friend I could ask for.
This vicious cycle continues all the time.
And you're always in the line of fire.
I desperately need to halt it.
But I let it control me.
I know you are sick of it.
And I'm sick of myself for it.
It's been happening too many times.
In all the 14 months I've known you.
Maybe you're right. Something's wrong with me.
Whatever the case, you still shouldn't have to bear with it.
It's unfair. Uncalled for. Rude.
You have other stuff to deal with.
And my attitude is the last thing you need.
And despite all this you're still there.
For now.
Keep this up and I may lose you.
And I don't want that to happen.
I hate myself.
But I love you.
You're like my brother.
You're like my family.
You know who you are.
I just wish I know myself.
Sorry again for all the shit I've caused.
May this time really be the last.
Cos I don't want a repeat.
You don't deserve that.
We've been through shit.
And still managed to stick it out.
Just hope it's not too late

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