Falling

How apt can the title be. yes again i asked iTunes...fuck u...
BIG MISTAKE. FUCKIN BIG MISTAKE. i envisaged it wen i was home, and now it has happened. or is happening. when im there, i yearn for here, and vice versa. shit. this is even worse than b4, and i feel so fucked cos now i can only blame myself. guess my string of bad decisions and bad luck continues. wayyy shittier. yes. i wanna quit.again. but im not. im jus gonna stick my ass here and finish this shit off, tho everydays gonna suck like hell. i can feel ppl gettin sick and tired of my indecisiveness. me too. im sick of my shit self. So much for tryna convince myself that this time it'll get better. yeah right since wen has 'happy' and 'optimistic' been in my vocabulary. who the hell was i kidding. how i wish i can turn back time. back to 11:53pm tt dreaded night. i cant. im just gonna stick it out here, and go thru hell daily. sian.

Accounts lecturer is a fuckin bitch. CMON i was absent for 3 fuckin days i din know nuts abt homework or wadever shit u were teaching (or maybe not seeing that u cant teach). don go all sarcastic on me bitch b4 i pull that tudung off and shove it up yr fuckn ass. great start. being blur in econs din help one bit. then the whole feeling tt made me wanna quit crashed into me again, this time much worse. whole time i was jus cursing myself for making the stupidest decision. no thx to the 2 ppl who ultimately changed my mind. i don blame em. i just blame myself. im really an ass. im not gonna hide anything and pretend its all rosy. coll life has never felt this bad ever. one of the ppl who changed my mind kinda left me all..i donno wad to say. i guess ultimately im gonna lose him as a fren. only one day back and i can already feel the pinch. yeah hes been my closest fren (mayb even best?) but it jus bothers me thinkin if ANYTHING hes been saying of late held any truth, or if all were jus words of deceit. its funny how in one day i can just not feel like a fren anymore. thats one of the worst feelings ever. i guess the whole lil "move" caused it.hit me much harder than anticipated and im being broken down just tryna cope with it. but i don blame him. or them rather. outsider huh. how true. this is worse than last sem. and its only one day! i saw this coming, and still got deluded. smart ass huh.

i guess theres nothin much i can do now. other than slogging thru life daily. i shdve listened to iTunes (fuck u). opportunity comes knocking once, it did, i grabbed it, and threw it away. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Darry sacrificed his future, Dally got himself killed cos the world was against him. Sign? lets see...
"Final Goodbye" - Rihanna. I knew it. but im not gonna lah...just so mentally taxing to keep thinkin of it. i jus feel like shit, like ive been tricked or sth. and i fell for it. if there was even anythin to fall for in the first place cos those words may have been true. i promised, but i wont keep em seeing u don keep yrs. but im sick of this shit ready lah. gotta learn not to trust ppl, and really, this time i cant be nice. ill just get it bad. and i foresee its just gonna get worse. its outta my hands now. 4+ more months. fuck man. god im gonna be 21. gimme a brain of an adult will ya? im sick of thinkin and actin like a petulant adolescent.

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart"
Prob is now I don't believe true frens exist either. someone gimme a gun.