"The happiest people on the outside are sometimes the saddest on the inside"
Heard that once before. Not sure if its true. Doesn't matter. For me its not true. Cos i know im never happy on the inside. and hell no im never happy on the outside. Just on certain days u may be lucky and catch a glimpse of me smiling, laughing, crapping. But, I gotta feeling (not that tonight's gonna be a good good night) that this will all end. Stated previously, Im tad bipolar. Seriously though, all those "happy" moments are prolly used as a tool to mask my real self. A meer veneer.
Past few days has been a real pain. And it coincided with me conciously disconnecting myself from the world. From people. From friends. But I guess this makes it easier. For them. For me. And lame as it is to 'blog' abt it, its better than having to explain over n over to those who ask. Friends no longer have to deal with the emotional "stunts" I pull, and I dont have to care or concern myself too much with them. Cos all that culminates from this is pain. From being used. Being lied to. Lying to. And the list is endless. This way is easier. Im no longer human. Just an empty shell wandering the corridors of Uni, attending lectures, stoning etc. There is no more connection. I'm in a bubble.
When I look at you, when I speak with you, I will be emotionless. And unfortunately, it will seem like I do not care. Like I have attitude. You're right. And wrong as well. I dont care, only because I care too much. And I cant keep doing this. Hence the retreat into my oasis of solitude and emo-ness. Everything ends now. And everything begins now as well. Don't ask, for the answers have already been given. Can't keep dealing with this over n over. Yes, I'm weak. Deal with it. Oh wait, u no longer have to.
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