Bleeding Blood

With approximately 16 days to semsester 2, it seems these holidays have been shitty not just for me but everyone i had contacted, with boredom being king of the hols. cant any of us have a decent holiday? apparently not. oh well theres only 16 days b4 school starts again and tt may be a gd thing, it may not. for me, i don feel like going back for sem 2. prolly tell me parents wat i want and see wat they say. my dad will prolly kill me for wasting so much money and time for sem 1 only to quit after but maybe if i can drill the thought tt its not wat i want into his brains he may just acquiesce. hopefully. i have never been decisive and now maybe its the holidays tts screwing up my mind and making me tink irrationally and illogically but i jus don see myself studying in sunway next yr. if only i know wad i wanna do. but i dont. damn this hols have really screwed me up. listening to weird songs like metal, rock and chinese songs, watching chinese shows, being a full fledged nocturnal animal, one on the brink of a complete mental breakdown. not tt im gonna rehash britney's stint few yrs back, tho i may follow her hair shaving antics.

with the net now back, it has prevented an all out obliteration of my sanity. despite the net being extremely slow and unstable, im jus satisfied tt its back. how ive missed it. but i wdnt mind it being faster la. suddenly things are looking bit brighter, tho my eyesight is deteriorating. home is tad more peaceful. met up with dinie (cuz) last nite after midnite. surprised parents allowed me out. spent couple hrs jus chatting. felt pretty good. at least im one step into rebuilding my relationships with my cousins. im prolly the most deficient person on earth (hence my belief tt im an alien) and my family's the most dysfunctional one out there. so past couple of days have been pretty good, tho i still cant stop tinkin abt she-who-cannot-be-named-(actually-she-can-but-im-trying-to-give-her-a-dramatic-effect-which-i-realised-now-looks-just-plain-retarded). keep tinkin abt how weird its gonna be next sem. (another reason not to go back. seems like all the cons of going back outweighs the pros). other than tt everything else seem ok. i swear to God the next person who dumps crap on me Im gonna shove chopsticks into his/her nose, stab his/her eyes with forks, smack his/her face with a frying pan, plunge a pair of rusty scissors into his/her ass and kick him/her in his balls/her punani(however u spell it). if all these don make me feel better so help me God ill just murder him/her with my bare hands. there's enough crap with me to last 2 lifetimes. im definitely retarded. damn theres no mental hospital ard my area.